I don’t know about you, but when I am short on time, I am the last person I care about. Hell, when I am bored, 90% of the time, I am the last person I care about. I am a mom, a wife, a friend, and a student before I am me.
But something needs to change. I am 27 years old and I can tell you that I have spent the majority of my adult life (and probably adolescent life) caring about someone other than myself. But I have done this for far too long. I lost myself in the midst of everyone else. I think it’s time to find me again.
I have been in therapy since August-so maybe that is a form of self-care. But I did the work in the office and would read some books in my spare time but then I would let life take over.
I have been through some shit in my life that makes sitting within myself difficult. It is very hard for me to listen to my thoughts and to listen to my body. I am not okay with the sensations of my body. I am unhappy with the way my body moves (or doesn’t move). I am angry at the voices in my head. (Particularly Kelly Ann, my ED voice. She tells me alternative facts).
But you know what, I have decided that I need to sit with that emotion and learn to appreciate where I am in life. I need to accept that discomfort in order to do something about it. I need to speak to Kelly Ann as if she were someone who I gave a valid chance to prove that she could help – and maybe she did at one point. But that voice is no longer helpful, no longer useful. No longer wanted.
In order to be the best wife, best mom, best student, and damn it, best me that I can be, I need to focus on putting myself first and making changes that help me become the best person I can be.
I am going to do the things I love.
To be fair, I am doing this at the encouragement of my health care team. And in order to prepare myself for some deeply intense healing work that I need to do. I need to feel at home in my own body.
Home should be safe. It’s time I put in the work to be safe.