I can see me through my tired eyes.
The internship has begun.
50 hours a week. Plus homework. Ooph. I am tired.
I am also struggling trying to find space for self-care among this mess. I always put myself last and this has been no different. However, I have learned better.
I spent last week in a rotation working with an outpatient Nutrition and Diabetes Clinic. I had a few thing that really rubbed me the wrong way as far as Health at Every Size and Intuitive Eating, however, I learned that I can be myself and express my beliefs in this space. I was also about to meet with some therapists in and around Bellingham and started to network.
I was also able to set up a meeting with a local eating disorder specialized RD. I am beyond excited to meet with someone who is practicing what I want to do. And it has seemed so counter intuitive but it is real. And I am really coming to understand that this is what I want to do. I think I have a unique opportunity become someone who can help. I can put myself in the position to help people who are where I have been. And I can help to undo some of that diet mentality out there. And I think this is something that needs to be done.
And although this is what I want to do with my life, I still have work to do. I am recovering, not recovered. I am still struggle with that voice inside my head. I am still struggling with believing that I am worthy of love and respect at the weight I am now. But I am coming to the point where it will be true. I am just not quite there. I am still working on myself, and I think I will be for the rest of my life.
I think I am growing. I think I am healing. I think I am still struggling. But I think I am going to be amazing.